


Broken

by angelcastiel72



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 12x19 (mentioned), 12x23, Destiel - Freeform, Episode 23, Lucifer - Freeform, M/M, SPN - Freeform, Sadness, Season Finale, Season/Series 12, Supernatural - Freeform, finale, season 12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 15:42:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10993965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelcastiel72/pseuds/angelcastiel72
Summary: A glimpse into how Dean takes the events of the finale...





	Broken

Dean stares up into the night sky, the darkness echoing the emptiness spreading through his body. His heart calls out to the man he’d come to love. He doesn't dare look down, the lifeless body slumped on the floor, and Dean felt like he was killed along with him. 

The cold dirt under his knees reminds Dean of pulling himself out the earth, after Castiel had brought him out of hell. He remembers that god awful screech of Castiel’s true voice in that grimy gas station. He remembers the feeling of grace when he came face to face with the unknown being that opened their world up to angels. He remembers everything. The long years. The immeasurable heartache. That child-like head tilt whenever the angel was confused. The way his face lit up when he felt welcome. His unwavering dedication to leaving this planet a good place.

All of it. To be mercilessly murdered.

He knows, of course, that everyone dies. He’s known this longer than any person should have to. But this was different. Knowing is different than experiencing. 

Dean breathes, shaking, and closes his eyes. The wind pushes a tear that escapes, as he perfectly visualizes cas' smile. cas' bright blue eyes, looking back at him with so much joy. This memory used to make Dean smile. But now it only serves to deepen the pit of anguish that bubbles within his gut.

The tickle of the small tear reminds Dean that they have things to take care of, and that Sam has disappeared. He opens his eyes and looks behind him, at the house. The memory of seeing Cas open the door stings at him and he continues to avoid the presence at his knees.

“Sammy!” Dean calls out to the wooden door, but flinches when his voice cracks. He hadn't noticed the dry and hoarse pain deep in his throat.

*  
Dean stares apathetically at his phone. The video playing crushes something deep within, but his face remains stagnant. Pain shooting through his soul.  
•••  
“I don’t understand? Is that your mini computer? You know I distrust them,” Cas squints his eyes, making eye contact with the camera, and reaches out to grab the phone.

Dean’s laughter sounds from behind the device, and he dodges Cas’ grab. “Don't mind me!”

Cas’ face settles into a warm and almost frustrated grin, “I can't believe you Dean Winchester.”

“I thought maybe you could finally appreciate true art,” the image blurs a bit as Dean moves around, but Cas is still within frame.

“What? What are you reaching for,” Cas appears to be amused, the wonder in his eyes unmistakable.

“Here,” Dean slowly hands the tape to Cas, his hand appearing in video, and Cas’s eyes drop down to the object, a bit of confusion laced in his expression. “Everyone needs this masterpiece in their life.”

A corner of Cas’s lip curl upward as he reaches for the cassette, he does so slowly, delicately. When Cas takes hold of it, he looks up with a smile that reaches his eyes. “Thank you Dean.”  
•••  
The video ends, fading to black. He didn't know why he had wanted to film this moment, but it was was almost like he had needed to in some weird way. He wishes that he can see that smile one last time. He wishes so hard that he feels like he’s going to throw up again. The vomiting is starting to worry Sam, but Dean couldn't care less. How could he? He didn't care if he even died right then and there...

**Author's Note:**

> So... at first the finale tore me up so bad. I was crying and overall just a mess. It took me a couple days to process everything but I'm feeling better about it all. Mostly because it's pretty likely that Cas will be coming back in season 13, so if you're still sad DONT BE! :) :) :) Our Cas isn't gone yet. But anyway, I now see this situation as an opportunity. I don't know if the writers will take up the opportunity but, they could have Dean finally face how he truly feels about Cas. Maybe this sorrow will force Dean to stop hiding from himself. Even if it isn't that, we'll still have a Destiel reconnection moment that might make all of this worth it? I don't know, I just hope this can mean more than Lucifer just killing people because he can...


End file.
